10,000 B.C. – 2008

** Out of ****

A disappointment on as big a scale as the special effects. Rolland Emmerich has had a vibrant career in directing big budget schlock over the years from the wildly entertaining Independence Day, to the visually mesmerizing Day After Tomorrow and the mostly successful drama The Patriot, the movie medium is always in need of a brainless and buttery popcorn flick. Unfortunately, with Emmerich’s latest effort, he has taken the brainless part a tad too far, and the result is lacklustre, and seems forced, contrived and simply put, a mammoth snore.

There is little worse with regards to movies then expecting something great, and instead having the result slap you across the face as if to say, “Haha, got you.” 10,000 B.C. is a prime example, as even from the previews and hype the film looks riveting and fresh. Not only are the action sequences astonishingly stunted, but despite the intriguing premise and the seemingly endless possibilities for adventure, this film is somehow nothing new. We follow D’leh (the inverted spelling of the German word for hero) played banally by Steven Straight, the outcast of a Northern tribe, seemingly somewhere in Europe, as he vies for his love Evolet depicted by the beautiful Camille Belle. When Evolet along with the majority of his tribe is captured by slave drivers, he makes a journey across the world to bring them home.

The problem with this epic journey is that it is hardly epic. Despite seeming to drag, they make it to Egypt (I think) in about 15 minutes, with the mountains changing to rainforest, and subsequently giving way to desert every 5 minutes. After arriving, too long is spent rallying the tribes of Africa to help free the slaves, as the film grows more tedious and uninteresting. The special affects of Egypt are average at best, although I am not sure exactly how much one can actually expect, and most of the scenes unfold in a poorly shot and difficult to comprehend fashion. During a scuffle in the forest between D’leh, the slave drivers and a pack of prehistoric birds, exhibited is a prime example of this. To be truthful it is one of the worst choreographed scenes I have ever seen; consisting of thrashing shots, incomprehensible jiggle cam and with all the characters looking remarkable similar, I am still unaware of exactly what transpired. Although I am sure that it makes Cloverfield’s shots look steady and we expect a product slightly more polished from technical wiz Emmerich.

The climax is more of an anti-climax, especially having endured such a lengthy build-up, and the final “tragic” scene is so preposterous, unnecessarily and nonsensical it actually made me angry. The writing is about as uninspired as one can achieve, the best acting comes from the mammoths, the geography and historical truth is muddled and difficult to understand and accept, which complied, results in a capricious effort at best. One thing that plagues this film is its lack of a clear target. No I don’t mean the story, although that could use some direction as well, but I mean with regards to its target audience. 10,000 B.C. is sure to annoy history buffs, bore women and older males and those under 13 will be unable to see it. This leaves a slim corridor for a monumental success, and is bound to fizzle more then it could have. The audience’s time would be better spent renting Independence Day, as it is more enjoyable to view an disaster epic then an epic disaster, so here is hoping that Emmerich’s next effort will recapture his past trademarked lovable campy fun.

© 2008 Simon Brookfield